My friends, they love my intelligence
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Panties = found
Randomize
