I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Welp...herpes.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
