i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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