every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
