Got a toothbrush?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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