Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
