I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
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Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
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I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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