Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
