dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
