i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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