Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Are we still banned from the library?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
