do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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