We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
