I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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