i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
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She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
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He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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