so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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