her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
