u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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