Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
