I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
