The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
