Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
