Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
