found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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