There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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