let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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