$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
