Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I've blown a few things in my day
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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