Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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