I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
