Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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