ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
