I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Are we still banned from the library?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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