the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize