I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
