1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
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you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
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I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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