I wish I only lived at night.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize