if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize