i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I didn't notice because vodka
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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