the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
