Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?