i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.