He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
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So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
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you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode