drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober