After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.