Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
don't judge my taste in strippers
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
