she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
