How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
