remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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