It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
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He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize