this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
