so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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