How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
