she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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