we have officially lost it.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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