my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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