twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
