i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
