I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
