Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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