She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize